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Day 364!!!

You guys!!! I am the mother of a toddler! My baby has been on the earth for one year. 😱

I am filled with SO many emotions! I remember when I found out I was pregnant with him. April 8, 2018. I was in utter shock. I remember carrying him and wondering what he’d look like. I remember the fear I felt while the needle went in my back in preparation for my C-section. I remember so much and I’ll share more tomorrow. 😉

I’ll also keep today short. Tomorrow I can’t promise that. Lol! TOMORROW’S THE BIG DAY!!! 😆 I’m so excited to share more memories with y’all. I’m also extremely grateful for you following my first year as a mom!! It’s been a ride for sure!

Until the next time….

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Day 360!!!!

Hey yaw….heyyyy!!! AJ’s birthday is 6 days away!!! The days leading up to, have been eventful to say the least.🙃

He’s suddenly super attached to me and nervous. It’s so strange to watch being that my baby is typically independent, playful and friendly to all. He’s become so cautious. From what I’ve read he could be going through a late bout of separation anxiety (not as intense but definitely more than clinginess). Although it’s a totally normal phase of development, it becomes a bit overwhelming. Even with my deep love for him☺️

Next, temper tantrums!!! Omg! These things are trying to take me out!🤣 I’m trying my best to be patient but honey, this is tough! This too is a part of development but it’s so much at times! He’s definitely teaching me to be calm, or at least try. 😣

He’s still the best thing to happen to me. EVER!❤️

Until the next time….

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Day 359!!!!!

Next Friday I’ll be the mother of a one year old, handsome, intelligent little boy. I’m so excited, nervous, overwhelmed and simultaneously filled with a depth of love I’ve not known. 😍

Becoming a mother has changed me in unimaginable ways. The way I love has grown exponentially. I have a new level of empathy. My patience is being stretched for better. My heart is overflowing with gratitude and love.❤️

Don’t get me wrong, my life changed for the better when I married my husband. My love changed at that time as well. However, there is something about carrying and birthing a child that opens your heart in ways nothing else can. I’m trying my best to put this in words though none seem descriptive enough.☺️

As I prepare for my son to turn a year old, all I can do reminisce on the journey of getting him here. After miscarriages, an ectopic pregnancy, ovarian cysts, fibroids, imbalanced hormones and specialists telling me how hard conception would be…Austin is here. Healthy as can be. More beautiful than I’d hoped. Intelligent as any parent could ask. My miracle child is here.😍

I pray I continue to grow, evolve and love in ways I could only dream. He’s the light of my life. God has blessed me immeasurably. For that, I am grateful.

Until the next time….

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New Mommy….Week 39

Hey yaw…heyyyy!! It’s been 3 weeks since I’ve updated you guys! *hangs head in shame* I have a whole 9 month old! He’s crawling, walking with assistance and…has one tooth now!😊 At this point I basically feel like he’ll be 12 tomorrow.🤣🤣 Dramatic, I know! If you’re a parent you understand.

Aside from the things mentioned above, I’m still breastfeeding, still! Can you believe it?!? I’m proud and shocked. Lol! I didn’t think I’d make it this long and here we are!! I’m basically a pro, you hear me?! 😂😂

In other news…moms are legit SUPERHEROES! Let me tell you how I know! Last week I grocery shopped with a 24 pound, 9 month old SLEEPING baby in my arms.😱 This wasn’t a “grab 2 things and run out the store shop” at all. I walked around grabbing a bunch of stuff with him in my arm. It went numb. Lolol!! But I made it! 🥳

Then I realized all moms are incredibly powerful and dope! I don’t care what you’ve done or haven’t done…you are everything! No matter where you are in life, you have what it takes to succeed, exceed, live, thrive and dream! The inner strength we possess is like none other! 💪🏼 Don’t let anyone, including yourself, tell you otherwise!

I love us for real.🤣🤣😍😍

Until the next time….

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New Mommy….Week 34

My little guy traveled with dad and I to Florida last week as we celebrated our 3rd anniversary.☺️ He’s SO much more active than he was in Myrtle Beach back in June. O. M. G! He wore momma out!🤣🤣

AJ will be 8 months in 2 days. I’m so excited and slightly hit with baby fever.😳 I miss his new baby smell and laying on my chest. These days I’m more like a human jungle gym.😩 He’s such a strong and active baby. I’m blessed to have such a healthy little guy but honey…sometimes these blessings are weighty!😂😂 The responsibility becomes much some days!

As you can imagine he’s into every single thing he can find! His little mind is expanding. He’s busy exploring and it’s taking a toll on me!😩 I love my little guy so much though.🥰 I’m waiting for him to start leaving me for daddy (he’s the fun one lol)! And I know AJ’s exploration will not tolerate mommy’s fear and hesitation! He’s definitely going to choose dad!

I’m slowly learning to be okay with it! Lol!! I’ve finally come to understand my limits and my son will be fine without me for a bit. It’s harder to stick to that conviction lately as AJ’s experiencing sleep regression. So he’s much more clingy…but I know it’s temporary. I’m actually beginning to look forward to him spending time with others. I’m equally terrified but excited nonetheless!🤣🤣

I’m still so grateful to be his mom. We are learning and growing daily! I’m also thrilled to have such a supportive and loving husband. Neither of them look excited in this picture but, they are. I love my serious guys!🤣❤️

Until the next time….

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New Mommy…Week 33

In 10 days I’ll be the mother of an 8 month old infant boy.☺️ Yesterday, I spent my first night away from him.😥 Boy was it tough!

So….I celebrated a really good friend’s (like one of my best friends ever) birthday. She wanted to have a sleepover.🙃 I just knew my baby would be invited.🤣🤣 She knows how I feel about him. She also loves him just the same. But, to my surprise she stuck to her “no kids allowed” invite.

I. Was. Devastated!!😫

What was my breastfed infant going to do all night without his mommy? And boobies??🤔 My mind was racing and I was a little more than withdrawn from our group of friends. All I could think about was my son waking in the middle of the night to eat and comfort nurse and I wouldn’t be there!!😩😩

Turns out…he and my husband were just fine! Lol!! They had a great night. Meanwhile I had to force myself to get into the festivities. And I’m so glad I did. It was one of the best nights I’ve had in quite sometime.☺️

I learned my husband is a capable father. My baby can survive without me….and I without him.💪🏼💪🏼 You’d think I knew that. And I did. In my head. It’s a totally different experience to understand something in your heart.😌 I had to trust my friend knew what I needed. I had to trust my husband knew what our son needed. I had to trust myself.😳😳 It was SO hard at first but I’m really happy I did it.

I can’t say at all this will become my new norm. However, I’ll try my best moving forward to trust my support system and allow myself a moment. I’ll still be an amazing mom just a little more sane.🤣🤣

I hope you offer yourself the same grace and minute as a mom. We need it. More than we know.💖💖

Until the next time….

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New Mommy….Week 32

My son is already practicing driving!🤣🤣 At 7 1/2 months this has to be some record! Call Guiness World Book!! Lol!!

Seriously, isn’t this the cutest thing???☺️ AJ continuously grows by leaps and bounds! My poor little heart can’t take it. To think this time last year I was 4 months pregnant and now I have a nearly 8 month old baby is astounding!

I honestly can not count the ways motherhood’s changed my life. Literally nothing’s the same.😳 One year ago I was planning maternity leave (wanted to be well prepared); who would’ve guessed I’d be a stay at home mom?!?! It’s amazing how babies alter your life. You learn your best and worst attributes as a mother. Almost like marriage except the other person is the cutest little, helpless thing!🥰🥰

I spent so much time trying to convince myself I’d be nothing like my bio mom or grandma (she raised me) but here I am…sensitive as Deborah Ann and stern as Shirley Jean! God rest both their beautiful souls!💙💙 The hardest part about becoming a mom for me was wishing I still had my mother to experience this with and learning that I’d lose my grandmother shortly after AJ’s arrival.😫😫

I went through SO many “what if” scenarios! I grieved my son would not know the women who created and reared his mother.😥😥 I wanted him to know his roots, interact with and love this as much as I had. I literally cried many days thinking of the nonexistent bond between my unborn son and his great and grandmother. It tore me up.

Then one day I realized, he would indeed bond with those ladies because I am them and they are me. My tender way of dealing with his emotions and needs is Deborah. My firm hand and soft heart is Shirley. The integrity I will reach him and resolve come from them. My laugh roars as loud and hearty as his great grandmother. My curious mind is as open as his grandma.💖💖

In me, he has them. I plan to do my best to show him that. And I am excited share his heritage with him. ☺️☺️ My heart is expectant and encouraged.

Until the next time…

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New Mommy…Week 31

My big boy!!😊 With every passing day I feel more excitement and anguish, simultaneously! My son is growing, evolving, blossoming and changing; as he should. However, I can’t help but feel proud and nervous. 😬 I’m so happy AJ’s progressing as he should, even advancing in some areas. I’m also equally in angst!😩 The totally helpless newborn child I brought home 7 months ago is now becoming increasingly independent. Of course he still needs me, it’s just interesting to watch him pull away.

Who knew I’d feel so much conflict in my heart over these things? I remember the first night we spent in our home. All I could do was cry and wonder why I even left the hospital! (I left a day early)!🤣🤣🤣 I didn’t know what to do with my son other than breastfeed and change him. It was awesomely gruesome and amazing.

Speaking of breastfeeding, I’m currently at pro status.😆😆 It’s almost become second nature. I could not imagine ever reaching this point. I’m so grateful and would actually love to assist new moms in the process, it’s SO fulfilling! Women are incredibly resilient! Our bodies are meticulous machines, sort of, lol!! I’m so proud of us all! And in complete awe!!❤️❤️ We. Rock!!

My son is still an absolute blessing! Even during frustrating moments! His growing independence can be a pain point for us both! I can no longer sit him in a corner and let him be! He wants to get into everything! I wish I could let him sometimes! Lol! It breaks my heart I can’t let him be free! But my heart smiles at the idea of his development! I’m SO torn!😩😩🤣🤣🙃🙃

In conclusion…my life has changed for the best, in every sense….even when I don’t see or feel it…I know it’s true! Austin Josiah has made us all better!💙💙

Until the next time…

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New Mommy…Week 30

Tomorrow, I’ll have a 7 month old little boy.😊He’s somewhere between size 4 and 5 diapers and size 9 and 12 month clothes. Oh, he can’t wear most shoes because his feet are SO chunky 😂😂 Currently, he seems to go to bed one size and wake up another.😳

Since I’ve become a SAHM (you all know what that is by now, lol) his growth spurts scare me. Everything breaks down to a dollar amount. I’m almost tempted to throw a “my baby’s growing too fast” shower!🙃 It’s 2019, we’re done with tradition right?!?! I should just be a trendsetter! Lol!! Maybe I’ll work up the nerve to actually do it. Who knows?!?!

Aside from his physical growth, my AJ’s personality is blossoming. His sense of humor tickles me. He has his dad’s laugh and my goofy behavior when he gets sleepy.🤣🤣 Every. Single. Thing is funny to me when I’m tired, he’s the same way.😊 He has his dad’s patience and my frustration when I can’t figure something out. He has my precocious ways and his dad’s curiosity. He seriously the perfect combination of us, even his looks.💙💙

Having a baby at 35 has been the epitome of life changing. I don’t believe I would’ve left my job if I didn’t become a mom. I’m learning SO much about myself as a person in general. I see my strengths: an amazing caretaker, loving mother, detail oriented, determined and wise. However I also see the areas I could use development: patience, control (I try so hard to control everything, it’s awful), trust in God and others to take care of my son and negative thinking. That one, terrible!! 😓 It’s so exhausting. I think the worst, every time. I’m sure I need to talk to someone about this. It can’t be healthy.😣

All in all, becoming a parent has made me brave and intentional about being whole. Emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally. I want to be my best self. I don’t ever want my son sitting in therapy because of Mommy wounds.😳 I know what that’s like. And I’m determined to give him the best foundation possible. I know I’m human. I know I’ll make mistakes. I also know, he doesn’t have to suffer at my hands. It starts with me becoming well. Stay tuned….

#NotetoSelf #NotetoUs

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New Mommy…Week 29

I get to wake up to this precious boy every morning.AJ is such. a. blessing. I am so honored to call him son. Being his mother is a privilege.❤️ He has no idea how many people prayed for his conception, gestation and delivery. His life has changed ours, greatly.💙

If you don’t know, I quit my job 2 months ago for a few reasons but he played a major role. As a 35 year old, first time mom I have zero interest in sending my son to daycare to work in a thankless job and poor environment.🤷🏻‍♀️ I’d been feeling like leaving for 3 years, just couldn’t rationalize walking away from a “good” job. Until my son gave me the courage to make a decision and go after my dreams.😊

Between my love for him, my desire to be whole and my husband’s encouragement; I left a Human Resources job. One in which I did well. But I knew I wanted more. Now I am a stay at home mom, wife and budding entrepreneur.😉 This is the scariest most fulfilling thing I’ve ever felt. It’s a dichotomy for sure. But I’m determined to do it.

I look forward to the day I tell my beautiful son how much his existence inspired Mommy. I want him to be proud of me, for sure. What I desire most is my life be an example of chasing your dreams, betting on yourself and trusting God. I want him to know he can do it.😍

I also want to show myself I can do it! I’m trailblazing in my family. It’s rough, scary, confusing and such. But baby when I tell you I’m more free than I’ve ever been….you’ll just have to follow along to watch it all unfold.😌

Until the next time…..

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New Mommy….Week 27

It’s almost been 7 months since I became a mom.😊 Of course, my life has changed dramatically. My son means the world to me.

Now that he’s getting older, I’m enjoying motherhood much more than I had previously.😳 Those first 3 months almost 👏🏼took 👏🏼me 👏🏼out!! Adjusting to it all was so hard! I actually had mild postpartum depression (although it felt like the end of the world, mild where?!?). Plus I had a winter baby. Being stuck in the house while feeling as though you’re losing your mind?!?! Terrible!!😢 I loved my son with everything in me but the PPD overshadowed that daily. *side note* if your are dealing with any ill feelings, dark thoughts are just feeling off…contact your OB ASAP!! There’s nothing to be ashamed of. We go through SO much carrying and delivering our babies. Something’s bound to be different once they arrive and it’s OKAY!!😉

My favorite part of the day with AJ (currently) is the morning. He wakes up with SO many smiles! He looks so excited to see us! Then he gives morning kisses!❤️❤️ I melt, every single day. I love watching his curiosity blossom. He’s so encouraging to my heart. He has no clue he’s teaching his mom to dream again. He’s blessing me, literally. He’s also my new shopping buddy (as pictured above)!😂😂

I’m pretty sure he’s going to skip crawling and go straight to walking, lol! He doesn’t scoot or get on all fours, he pulls up on anything around him and stands! 🤣 He’s also enjoys feeding himself these days. It’s pretty neat to watch!

I have so much I could say but I’ll wait! I plan to chronicle the first year! We have 25 weeks left! I’ll also get the first 6 months posted here so you can follow along! It might be out of order since I did Facebook first but you’ll get it! Lol!

Until the next time…..

#NotetoSelf #NotetoUs #NewMommyChronicles #AustinJosiah

Beautifully Broken

2019 broke me.👀

It’s the year I had to face every single fear and feel every emotion.🥴

I’ve been “strong” since I was a little girl. I had to be. Consequently, that’s the only thing I’ve felt. Even when I was angry or sad I’d quickly pull myself together and remind me “Alishia, you have to be strong. There are no options. You can’t fall apart and handle business. Be strong!” 💪🏼

Here comes 2019. On January 1st I had a 4 day old baby. On February 9th (or so) I was diagnosed with postpartum depression. On March 31st I lost my Shirley Jean. On May 20th (or so) I left my stable Human Resources job after 8 years (which is super long for me). 5 months into 2019 my life changed so many ways I couldn’t wrap my mind around it all.🙃

I questioned every single decision I’d made. Every one. I felt lost. I tried to default to “strong” Alishia but she was nowhere to be found. I’d suddenly become acquainted with vulnerable, scared Alishia. I didn’t even know who she was. I couldn’t recall ever feeling these things.😫

One day I realized I’d broke. I couldn’t fix anything. I couldn’t pull from within. I thought I was losing my mind. Being that naked was just strange. Then it hit me; I had to break. I had to soften. I had to be flexible. I had to be pliable to be rebuilt. What I thought was taking me out was actually building me up.🙄

24 days into 2020 I’m a little more comfortable in my vulnerability. I’m asking for help. I’m acknowledging I can’t fix everything. I’m working to be okay in weakness. It’s weird, still but it’s needed. If you’re still reading, try it. So many of us are a unfamiliar to ourselves due to life. This year, rediscover you and find your authentic self. That’s what the world needs.🖤

Until the next time….

#NotetoSelf #NotetoUs

Motherhood Changes Things…

In SO many ways!! Today, I’ll keep it brief.

I found out I was pregnant in April 2018😊

After years of being told conception would be difficult, it happened. After being told carrying would be risky, I had an amazing pregnancy. After being told delivery could kill me, we both made it through safely.

Now we’re here.🥰 Almost 13 months into motherhood with forever to go. I’ve learned so much already. I’ve developed a level of patience I couldn’t have imagined. AJ’s blessed me with grace I’d not known. The strength I’ve had now has a fiery intensity.💪🏼

The process of becoming a mom has taught me even more about life. Everything happens at an appointed time. Never early. Never late. At an exact time. Motherhood is teaching me to love the process and focus less on the destination. This is a journey and I can enjoy all of it. So can you.💯

Day 361!!!!

We’re 5 days away from one year old!! It’s exciting and scary!!! 🥴 Today AJ was dedicated. This is one huge milestone of many more to come.

That pretty much sums up today. Oh….we also had more tantrums!😫🤣🤣 I had no clue this would happen. Lol! I’m trying my best to understand he’s going through developmental leaps and it’s a lot. Some days my feelings outweigh my understanding. I’m ready to fall out with him. Lol!! It’s a phase and it will pass. I have to consistently remind myself.🙃

Each phase he goes through teaches me something about myself. Whether it’s patience (or the lack thereof), tenacity, resolve or love, he’s showing me where I can grow and where I’m rocking this mom thing out, lol! He’s one of my greatest teachers and for that I’m grateful!!

Until the next time…..

New Mommy…Week 50ish

Hey yaw…heyyyy!!!

I JUST realized I skipped a few weeks or so🤣🤣 But that’s how life is now with an 11 month old! He keeps me SO busy, omg! I’m sure y’all understand.

Lately, bedtime and mornings are the best! And not simply because he’s sleeping, lol! At night I read him a book and he smiles the entire time. It’s so cute! Then when he awakes he’s all smiles the first 30 minutes or so. I LOVE it! 🥰🥰🥰 He’s also completely into music. So when I play his videos he’s excited! It’s the cutest thing!

Bath time is also a close second. He tries eating the bubbles and ends up making a beard. Lol!! It’s SO adorable. ❤️❤️

We recently encountered his first bout of sickness. He had a fever for a few days. I was heartbroken.😞 It was so hard watching him suffer. I just wanted to make it better. But it had to run it’s course. Which inadvertently taught this control freak a major lesson. I really have to learn to take a sit and stop trying so hard to control everything. It’s so silly because I literally can’t. Which I know but that never stops me from driving myself up a wall.🤣🤣 There’s nothing I can do at times. I have to be okay with it.☺️

AJ’s been teaching me a lot about myself since I found out he was on the way. It’s been a journey to say the least. As our first year together nears it’s close, I can only reflect with tears in my eyes. Motherhood is no joke. It has highs and lows. But it’s consistently rewarding, even when it doesn’t appear to be.🤷🏻‍♀️ I can say much more but I’ll hold on to those words until next week. Lol! I’m sure the emotion I feel about AJ turning one will fill up the page the next couple weeks!🤣🤣

Until the next time…..

New Mommy…Week 40

You guys….I have a crawling/walking with assistance/stair climbing/broccoli eating man infant.🤣🤣🤣

My son is in a semi independent phase and it has me thinking…what do I do next?👀 I left work to stay with him (one of my reasons) and now that he’s not as needy (I realize he still totally needs me just not the same as his newborn phases) I wonder what to do with myself.🤔 I’m honestly in a strange “figure out who Alishia is” phase.

Like most moms, I jumped head first into this mommy thing. My life instantaneously revolves around my baby boy. Essentially, my works as I’d previously know it, stopped.😱 I completely removed myself from my mind and became laser focused on AJ. I was almost consumed by him. I’m not sure that mindset is sustainable.

I now find myself looking forward to time away from my son. Initially I felt guilt for this. Then I realized, it’s ok. Having these feelings are normal. It’s actually more abnormal to lose myself in him. We do this but it isn’t the healthiest thing. At least in my opinion. 😁

It’s absolutely ok to desire something outside of child rearing. It’s a lot. Being a wife and mom, suddenly full time is a lot. But I’m learning and growing everyday. I’m rediscovering myself and am excited about the journey. I’ll be sure to update you guys….😊

Until the next time.

New Mommy….Week 36

Look at my big boy!🥰🥰 He’s so cute…and busy!!😳😳

I altogether skipped week 35…his busyness played a huge role in that!🤣😂 My almost 9 month old is doing SO much! I honestly can’t keep up! He’s standing, crawlking (yes, you read it correctly! He’s doing a crawl-walk combo thing! It was easier to say “crawlking” lol)! So I pretty much spend my entire day saving his little world. Lol! He’s absolutely fearless! I wish I had that trait!

Along with these developmental milestones come other not so pleasant changes. Like sleep regression.😱😱 He’s suddenly up a million times a night like he was as a newborn. Tragic. Fortunately I’m a stay at home mom but it’s still tiresome! I know it’s a temporary change but it’s so hard! Lol! This blogpost is actually going to be much shorter because I’m so tired from his sleep pattern changes.🤣😂

No matter what, AJ is STILL a blessing and one of the best things to ever happen to me! ☺️

I appreciate you guys following my journey so far! Until the next time…