Posted in #NotetoSelf, #NotetoUs, Healthy Mom, Infant Mom, Motherhood, New Mommy, SAHM, Stay at home mom

New Mommy…Week 33

In 10 days I’ll be the mother of an 8 month old infant boy.☺️ Yesterday, I spent my first night away from him.πŸ˜₯ Boy was it tough!

So….I celebrated a really good friend’s (like one of my best friends ever) birthday. She wanted to have a sleepover.πŸ™ƒ I just knew my baby would be invited.🀣🀣 She knows how I feel about him. She also loves him just the same. But, to my surprise she stuck to her “no kids allowed” invite.

I. Was. Devastated!!😫

What was my breastfed infant going to do all night without his mommy? And boobies??πŸ€” My mind was racing and I was a little more than withdrawn from our group of friends. All I could think about was my son waking in the middle of the night to eat and comfort nurse and I wouldn’t be there!!😩😩

Turns out…he and my husband were just fine! Lol!! They had a great night. Meanwhile I had to force myself to get into the festivities. And I’m so glad I did. It was one of the best nights I’ve had in quite sometime.☺️

I learned my husband is a capable father. My baby can survive without me….and I without him.πŸ’ͺ🏼πŸ’ͺ🏼 You’d think I knew that. And I did. In my head. It’s a totally different experience to understand something in your heart.😌 I had to trust my friend knew what I needed. I had to trust my husband knew what our son needed. I had to trust myself.😳😳 It was SO hard at first but I’m really happy I did it.

I can’t say at all this will become my new norm. However, I’ll try my best moving forward to trust my support system and allow myself a moment. I’ll still be an amazing mom just a little more sane.🀣🀣

I hope you offer yourself the same grace and minute as a mom. We need it. More than we know.πŸ’–πŸ’–

Until the next time….

Posted in #NotetoSelf, #NotetoUs, Healthy Mom, Infant Mom, Motherhood, New Mommy, SAHM, Stay at home mom

New Mommy….Week 32

My son is already practicing driving!🀣🀣 At 7 1/2 months this has to be some record! Call Guiness World Book!! Lol!!

Seriously, isn’t this the cutest thing???☺️ AJ continuously grows by leaps and bounds! My poor little heart can’t take it. To think this time last year I was 4 months pregnant and now I have a nearly 8 month old baby is astounding!

I honestly can not count the ways motherhood’s changed my life. Literally nothing’s the same.😳 One year ago I was planning maternity leave (wanted to be well prepared); who would’ve guessed I’d be a stay at home mom?!?! It’s amazing how babies alter your life. You learn your best and worst attributes as a mother. Almost like marriage except the other person is the cutest little, helpless thing!πŸ₯°πŸ₯°

I spent so much time trying to convince myself I’d be nothing like my bio mom or grandma (she raised me) but here I am…sensitive as Deborah Ann and stern as Shirley Jean! God rest both their beautiful souls!πŸ’™πŸ’™ The hardest part about becoming a mom for me was wishing I still had my mother to experience this with and learning that I’d lose my grandmother shortly after AJ’s arrival.😫😫

I went through SO many “what if” scenarios! I grieved my son would not know the women who created and reared his mother.πŸ˜₯πŸ˜₯ I wanted him to know his roots, interact with and love this as much as I had. I literally cried many days thinking of the nonexistent bond between my unborn son and his great and grandmother. It tore me up.

Then one day I realized, he would indeed bond with those ladies because I am them and they are me. My tender way of dealing with his emotions and needs is Deborah. My firm hand and soft heart is Shirley. The integrity I will reach him and resolve come from them. My laugh roars as loud and hearty as his great grandmother. My curious mind is as open as his grandma.πŸ’–πŸ’–

In me, he has them. I plan to do my best to show him that. And I am excited share his heritage with him. ☺️☺️ My heart is expectant and encouraged.

Until the next time…

Posted in #NotetoSelf, #NotetoUs, Healing, Healthy Mom, Infant Mom, Motherhood, New Mommy, SAHM, Stay at home mom

New Mommy…Week 31

My big boy!!😊 With every passing day I feel more excitement and anguish, simultaneously! My son is growing, evolving, blossoming and changing; as he should. However, I can’t help but feel proud and nervous. 😬 I’m so happy AJ’s progressing as he should, even advancing in some areas. I’m also equally in angst!😩 The totally helpless newborn child I brought home 7 months ago is now becoming increasingly independent. Of course he still needs me, it’s just interesting to watch him pull away.

Who knew I’d feel so much conflict in my heart over these things? I remember the first night we spent in our home. All I could do was cry and wonder why I even left the hospital! (I left a day early)!🀣🀣🀣 I didn’t know what to do with my son other than breastfeed and change him. It was awesomely gruesome and amazing.

Speaking of breastfeeding, I’m currently at pro status.πŸ˜†πŸ˜† It’s almost become second nature. I could not imagine ever reaching this point. I’m so grateful and would actually love to assist new moms in the process, it’s SO fulfilling! Women are incredibly resilient! Our bodies are meticulous machines, sort of, lol!! I’m so proud of us all! And in complete awe!!❀️❀️ We. Rock!!

My son is still an absolute blessing! Even during frustrating moments! His growing independence can be a pain point for us both! I can no longer sit him in a corner and let him be! He wants to get into everything! I wish I could let him sometimes! Lol! It breaks my heart I can’t let him be free! But my heart smiles at the idea of his development! I’m SO torn!πŸ˜©πŸ˜©πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ™ƒπŸ™ƒ

In conclusion…my life has changed for the best, in every sense….even when I don’t see or feel it…I know it’s true! Austin Josiah has made us all better!πŸ’™πŸ’™

Until the next time…