Posted in #NotetoSelf, #NotetoUs, Healing, Love and Marriage, Uncategorized, Who am I??

It Happened…..

Prior to marriage I firmly believed I’d be the woman who’d balance her career, hobbies, ministries, relationships, businesses, marriage and self love. 🤷🏻‍♀️

There was absolutely no doubt in my mind I’d find the formula and execute well. Even when I gained 70 pounds (like literally a 10 year old attached themselves to my body) BEFORE marriage, I already had a plan to get the weight off and keep my pre-marital sexy going. 🙄 I had all the plans, encouraging sayings, and great intentions, then….

IT HAPPENED!!!

One day, I had no idea what I liked. I couldn’t figure out what I should wear. I wasn’t sure how I felt about my makeup. I couldn’t think of things to do without my husband. I hadn’t visited family or friends (without my husband) or gone shopping for myself. I had become everything I dreaded! I WAS ALL ABOUT MY HUSBAND and nothing else!🤦🏻‍♀️ How could this happen to me? Where had Alishia gone? Who snatched my body? And most importantly, WHY????🤔

I had this all figured out. I would not become the wife who had no life outside her husband or forgot what my life was like prior to marriage! I could not believe this! Then it dawned on me, I’d stop being intentional about ME! Mostly, women are predisposed to caring for everyone BUT themselves. We’ve also been societally exposed to the myth that becoming someone’s wife is the ultimate goal. 😏 Some where, someone dropped the ball with this! Lol! Somehow self care became taboo and selfish (which essentially describes self-care but I’ll stay focused for now 😜). How could anyone lead us to believe we are only considerate of ourselves when we decide to take a break from wife and mom duties, work, chores and thinking of everyone else?? How?

I drove myself nuts trying to come up with a reason for this but you know what? I’m DONE seeking it out! 🤫 My energy can be spent PRACTICING self care instead of trying to figure out how or why it’s wrong to some people, lol! I have a right to “turn off”. Even God rested🙌🏼! The almighty, all powerful God of the entire universe took a moment to sit back and enjoy the work of his hands! He admired what he created. He SAT DOWN! If he did, WHY WON’T WE?!?

After 19 months of marriage and bonus child (that’s what I call my stepson now, lol) rearing, I’ve realized I’ve placed this pressure to be everything 👏🏼on 👏🏼my 👏🏼self! And it’s senseless. I deserve a day off or new jeans that make my buns look amazing, lol! In fact, I SHOULD model God and RELAX sometimes. My husband does not even expect all these absurd things from me nor does my stepson. I told myslef to go above and beyond for no good reason, lol!

It’s okay to desire being a good wife, mom, friend, and loved one. Really, it is. The problem arises when we aspire to be super-wife/mom/friend/employee/boss/entrepeneur/etc…. There really is a season for everything, including REST. We tend to think of seasons as summer, fall, winter and spring, which is true in that aspect. However, seasons can switch more frequently than that. Especially when it comes to self care. And that is ok! Take some time to yourself. Even if it’s on the ride home. Don’t take the call! Decompress! Just say no! Lol! Then your…it happened moment will be you taking care of yourself for a change, lol!

You can be anything you want, just not everything at the same time. And that’s perfectly ok!

Until the next time…..

#notetoself #notetous #selfcare #superwomanisamyth

Posted in #MeToo, #NotetoSelf, #NotetoUs, Healing, Sexual Abuse, Who am I??

#METOO

I have not blogged in months, literally. This morning while scrolling facebook, because I really want to stay home today 😂😂, I noticed how many women AND men posted #MeToo. I’m amazed that 2017 has not yet leant itself to being transparent about sexual abuse, until Hollywood started…

The topic has always been so taboo and in our true “pretend like it didn’t happen and it will go away” fashion. We see how well that’s been working 😏😏. I’ll start with myself. For years, until I finally broke down to my father in 2012, I’d always openly shared my history of sexual abuse with friends and even strangers. Somehow I believed I had to protect the ones who hurt me. Ironic much?!?! 🤔🤔 I carried the burden of guilt, shame and feelings of low to no self worth. I often asked myself questions like “Did you ask to be hurt”? “Was there something you could have done differently”? “Were you carrying  yourself a certain way”? I asked myself THE SAME questions others asked me when I released the information about this. And the same feelings of condemnation and shame flooded my heart and mind when I turned around and blamed myself like others had done.

I’ve been date raped (by 3 guys at once, let’s not even talk about the blame I received on this one). I’ve been molested by loved ones, which went on for years. I’ve been manipulated into statutory rape (he was much older and NO I didn’t want it, he convinced me I owed him and due to my history of sexual abuse, I obliged). I’ve also been date raped by a “boyfriend” after repeatedly saying NO. It meant nothing and he proceeded to “take what was his”. 😓😓 I’ve also had loved ones think my siblings and I were sex toys in their twisted fantasies. I watched my mother give herself away for drugs. My life, even at times now, revolved around sex! The abuse and exposure to these things at an early age warped my view of love. I thought “well if I care about them I guess I have to give them sex” 😱😱 Sounds crazy right? Then there are those who experienced things like this and worse but became cold to sex. And are now struggling to be intimate in marriage because sex brings back awful feelings.

To my younger self, current self and fellow #MeToo’s in the world, IT IS/WAS NOT YOUR FAULT! Let go of the condemnation and guilt! Let go of the need to protect your abuser! I know, you don’t want to hurt anybody but you don’t see you’re HURTING YOURSELF more by being silent! You may not be ready to face your abuser, especially if it’s family or clergy 😱, yep, family and family friends are top sexual assailants. Don’t blame me, blame the stats🤷🏻‍♀️. But you HAVE to TELL SOMEBODY. YOU HAVE TO BREAK THE CYCLE! Your silence is putting your babies at risk. Your silence is giving your abuser a proverbial “pat on the back”. BREAK FREE! HEAL! OUTLOUD!! I love you, now you love you!

Until the next time…..

#NotetoSelf #NotetoUs #MeToo #NoOneElse #IfICanHelpIt #WeHealTogether #OutLoud 💜💜💜💙💙💙💛💛💛💚💚💚

 

Posted in #NotetoSelf, #NotetoUs, Who am I??

Selfie!!!!

Cleaning the house earlier I thought to myself….how is it so easy to post a selfie (put yourself out there for the world to critique) but difficult to be accountable for awful behavior or terrible decisions? I mean seriously, we post close up shots. Some of us daily, with no thought of any repercussion or consequence. But the minute we’re confronted with facing our “selfie” we run! Lol! 😳🤔😂

After pondering a bit, it hit me!

Most selfies are filtered. Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat (still don’t understand that one) all have filters. Most of us dare not post without them. Webster defines filter as : something that has the effect of a filter (as by holding back elements or modifying the appearance of something). I took holding back and modifying from that definition. As real and open as we claim to be in the social media age, we aren’t! Lol!! Everything we post about ourselves is held back and modified (for most I should say, I know someone will vehemently deny this! 😂😂😂). 

We’ve basically created modified versions  of ourselves to present to the world. What would social media be like if we all presented our authentic, unaltered-selves?? 🤔🙃🤣 The idea is probably scary for some of us!! Let’s make a deal! Let’s truly be our selfies!! Let’s let the world see what’s real! You with me?? No?? Maybe?? Ok, no pressure! Just consider for me! Thanks!! 

Sincerely,

Over Alter Egos 😘