Posted in #NotetoSelf, #NotetoUs, Healing, Love and Marriage, Uncategorized, Who am I??

It Happened…..

Prior to marriage I firmly believed I’d be the woman who’d balance her career, hobbies, ministries, relationships, businesses, marriage and self love. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™€οΈ

There was absolutely no doubt in my mind I’d find the formula and execute well. Even when I gained 70 pounds (like literally a 10 year old attached themselves to my body) BEFORE marriage, I already had a plan to get the weight off and keep my pre-marital sexy going. πŸ™„ I had all the plans, encouraging sayings, and great intentions, then….

IT HAPPENED!!!

One day, I had no idea what I liked. I couldn’t figure out what I should wear. I wasn’t sure how I felt about my makeup. I couldn’t think of things to do without my husband. I hadn’t visited family or friends (without my husband) or gone shopping for myself. I had become everything I dreaded! I WAS ALL ABOUT MY HUSBAND and nothing else!πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™€οΈ How could this happen to me? Where had Alishia gone? Who snatched my body? And most importantly, WHY????πŸ€”

I had this all figured out. I would not become the wife who had no life outside her husband or forgot what my life was like prior to marriage! I could not believe this! Then it dawned on me, I’d stop being intentional about ME! Mostly, women are predisposed to caring for everyone BUT themselves. We’ve also been societally exposed to the myth that becoming someone’s wife is the ultimate goal. 😏 Some where, someone dropped the ball with this! Lol! Somehow self care became taboo and selfish (which essentially describes self-care but I’ll stay focused for now 😜). How could anyone lead us to believe we are only considerate of ourselves when we decide to take a break from wife and mom duties, work, chores and thinking of everyone else?? How?

I drove myself nuts trying to come up with a reason for this but you know what? I’m DONE seeking it out! 🀫 My energy can be spent PRACTICING self care instead of trying to figure out how or why it’s wrong to some people, lol! I have a right to “turn off”. Even God restedπŸ™ŒπŸΌ! The almighty, all powerful God of the entire universe took a moment to sit back and enjoy the work of his hands! He admired what he created. He SAT DOWN! If he did, WHY WON’T WE?!?

After 19 months of marriage and bonus child (that’s what I call my stepson now, lol) rearing, I’ve realized I’ve placed this pressure to be everything πŸ‘πŸΌon πŸ‘πŸΌmy πŸ‘πŸΌself! And it’s senseless. I deserve a day off or new jeans that make my buns look amazing, lol! In fact, I SHOULD model God and RELAX sometimes. My husband does not even expect all these absurd things from me nor does my stepson. I told myslef to go above and beyond for no good reason, lol!

It’s okay to desire being a good wife, mom, friend, and loved one. Really, it is. The problem arises when we aspire to be super-wife/mom/friend/employee/boss/entrepeneur/etc…. There really is a season for everything, including REST. We tend to think of seasons as summer, fall, winter and spring, which is true in that aspect. However, seasons can switch more frequently than that. Especially when it comes to self care. And that is ok! Take some time to yourself. Even if it’s on the ride home. Don’t take the call! Decompress! Just say no! Lol! Then your…it happened moment will be you taking care of yourself for a change, lol!

You can be anything you want, just not everything at the same time. And that’s perfectly ok!

Until the next time…..

#notetoself #notetous #selfcare #superwomanisamyth

Posted in #NotetoSelf, #NotetoUs, Love and Marriage

It’s our 9 month-iversary!!!

I’m actually amazed at how much can transpire in such a short time. The past 30 days have been interesting, lol! Step/Co-parenting is HARD! πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™€οΈOmg, lol! Instead of adjusting to one personality (your spouse) you’re learning 4 personalities (your spouse, your stepchild, the other parent AND yourself because honey listen, you turn into a new person suddenly becoming a parent).

Before anyone objects or says what’s possible πŸ€”πŸ˜‚let me say step/co-parenting is NOT the same when you do not have children, ok? πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™€οΈ It’s really easy to say be patient when you’re already a parent. You’ve already become accustom to less free time, schedule changes, sick children, family outings, etc. So I’ve gone from having ALL my time to myself to very limited “me” time. It’s hectic and navigating all 3 new relationships has its ups and downs. I’m sure one day I’ll post about the joys of these changes but not today. πŸ€ΈπŸ»β€β™€οΈπŸ•³ 
If you’re reading this and are in a similar situation it’s ok if you aren’t always feeling your new life and blended family. It’s ok if you want time to yourself. It’s ok if there are hiccups along the way. It’s ok if you don’t find yourself enjoying the navigation of your new roles. It’s all ok. Don’t feel guilty, bad or less than for being human and feeling your way through things. You’ll find what works for your family. And once you figure it out you’ll knock it out the park. Until then, be patient with yourself and enjoy the process. And don’t be afraid to vent your frustrations, it’s normal and healthy. Lol! 
Until the next time……

#HappilyEverMcLin #FirstYearStories #JourneyToForever #DispelTheMyth β€οΈπŸ˜πŸ’…πŸΌπŸ€ΈπŸ»β€β™€οΈπŸ˜˜β€οΈ

Posted in #NotetoSelf, #NotetoUs, Love and Marriage

It’s Our 8 Monthi-versary!!

🚨Long post alert! (Sorry, sort of. Lol!)🚨
We’re getting close to our first anniversary! It’s exciting, scary and trying at times. This month was our most difficult so far. I know. I’m not supposed to say that. I’m supposed to talk about how we never argue, how life is grand, how we’re soulmates and madly in love. Because that’s what you do right? Suffer in silence and keep up appearances. Well, not here. If that’s what you want move along. We vowed we’d be honest and transparent chronicling our first year. So here’s the real…..
We both wanted out at some point this past month. We both decided one day that going on would be too difficult and it’s easier to cut losses sooner than later. Being that we both come from backgrounds of quitting when things get tough that seemed like the most logical decision. After all the emotions subsided we actually communicated. We talked about the promises we made to each other that we forgot in this short time and decided to keep going. Sometimes you have to remember why you go started. Draw from that happy place and move forward. That simple. I’ll be glad when my husband shares as much as I do for two reasons: 1) he has so much wisdom to share. His quiet strength is amazing. 2.) so that some of y’all can stop trying to guess what’s up since I do all the talking. Lol! 
If your marriage is in a dry place just remember why you got started. Those reasons were enough to decide to marry, they’re still enough to keep moving. Don’t suffer silently or alone. Secrets have done nothing but imprisoned us. Break free, out loud! Until the next time….
#HappilyEverMcLin #FirstYearStories #JourneyToForever #DispelTheMyth β€οΈπŸ˜πŸ’…πŸΌπŸ€ΈπŸ»β€β™€οΈπŸ˜˜β€οΈ

Posted in #NotetoSelf, #NotetoUs, Love and Marriage

180 Days!!!!!

It’s our 6-monthiversary!!!! πŸŽŠπŸŽ‰πŸŽˆ
I received a call earlier and hubby went over my spending (he’s the budgeter in this relationship) to make sure we were on the same page. Then I walk in the house today to clean and folded laundry. I laughed because my husband could have done anything he wanted with his off day yet he chose to take care of the house. 180 days in seems like forever on the days we aren’t getting along. Today, it seems like we don’t have enough time to explore all the love possible. Lol! Either way we’re learning the true meaning of partnership. We don’t have defined roles. I don’t cook because I’m the woman, I do it because I’m good at it and enjoy it. He doesn’t manage our money because he’s the man. He does it because he’s good at it and enjoys it. We refuse to let society, family or other marriages define our roles. We’re exploring our strengths and capitalizing on them while working on areas of development and getting better. That’s it. No formula. No gender specific roles. Just being who we are. No pressure. No lofty expectations. Just living. I hope we can encourage someone to do the same. Your spouse has a particular set of skills to enhance your particular set of skills. Let it work. Enjoy it. Even when mistakes are made, cause that’s definitely going to happen. Let freedom reign in your household, responsibly and lovingly. You’ll find peace there. Until the next time….. #HappilyEverMcLin #1stYearStories #DispelTheMyth #JourneyToForever πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜˜πŸ˜˜β€οΈβ€οΈπŸ’πŸ»πŸ’πŸ’‘

Posted in #NotetoSelf, #NotetoUs, Love and Marriage

82 Days In…..

This was the last moment I had to myself on our wedding day. I was in deep thought about what was transpiring. I really had no idea just how much my life was going to change. I miss solitude at times. I never fully understood how coming home alone was my way of recharging my batteries. I’m learning to embrace sharing my space and I’m much more intentional about alone time. I love my husband and our life. But I also loved the life I had (mostly) before becoming a wife. Getting married later in life comes with it’s own set of challenges. Always practice self care ladies. It isn’t selfish or wrong. It’s essential. You can’t take care of your family if you aren’t well. Never forget that. #notetoself #notetous #HappilyEverMcLin#JourneytoForever #FirstYearStories #DispelTheMyth

Posted in #NotetoSelf, #NotetoUs, Love and Marriage

30 Days….We Made It! Lol!

Can’t let the day pass without acknowledging my husband on a successful month of marriage, lol! 30 days ago we said I do and I’ve watched us grow tremendously in a short timespan. Everything hasn’t been all peachy, lol…we’d be lying if we said otherwise. We’ve seen the best and worst of each other but we made it. This time may seem short but we know one bad decision can change the course and length of marriage. We celebrate small things and look forward to great things! Compromise, communication, grace, forgiveness and patience are things our marriage CANNOT live without! Happy 30 days babe…let’s make the next 30 even better!#HappilyEverMcLin #JourneytoForever #GodFirst #MarriageisMinistry

Posted in Love and Marriage

It’s Our 3-Monthiversary!!

Yesterday I learned some things about my husband’s childhood that I never knew. I mentioned that to remind ourselves that life is all about discovery and marriage is no different. Personally, I share everything. If you are my friend or even a close associate at some point you’ve heard deep things about my life because I fully believe in the power of transparency and I talk a lot (if you all hadn’t noticed), lol! My husband is a little reticent in that area, and it’s okay! If you’re the “sharer” in the relationship be open to “breaking news” about your spouse. The discovery process takes a little longer for reserved people and try not to take it as though they’re hiding something from you. If you’re the “quiet” one be open to the needs of your spouse to share, EVERYTHING! Lol! We all process differently and we absolutely have to be patient with one another as we do life together but different. There’s beauty in differences, if we allow ourselves to see it! #HappilyEverMcLin #JourneytoForver#FirstYearStories #DispelTheMyth #TheProcess