Posted in #NotetoSelf, #NotetoUs, Healthy Mom, Infant Mom, Motherhood, New Mommy, SAHM, Stay at home mom

New Mommy….Week 32

My son is already practicing driving!🀣🀣 At 7 1/2 months this has to be some record! Call Guiness World Book!! Lol!!

Seriously, isn’t this the cutest thing???☺️ AJ continuously grows by leaps and bounds! My poor little heart can’t take it. To think this time last year I was 4 months pregnant and now I have a nearly 8 month old baby is astounding!

I honestly can not count the ways motherhood’s changed my life. Literally nothing’s the same.😳 One year ago I was planning maternity leave (wanted to be well prepared); who would’ve guessed I’d be a stay at home mom?!?! It’s amazing how babies alter your life. You learn your best and worst attributes as a mother. Almost like marriage except the other person is the cutest little, helpless thing!πŸ₯°πŸ₯°

I spent so much time trying to convince myself I’d be nothing like my bio mom or grandma (she raised me) but here I am…sensitive as Deborah Ann and stern as Shirley Jean! God rest both their beautiful souls!πŸ’™πŸ’™ The hardest part about becoming a mom for me was wishing I still had my mother to experience this with and learning that I’d lose my grandmother shortly after AJ’s arrival.😫😫

I went through SO many “what if” scenarios! I grieved my son would not know the women who created and reared his mother.πŸ˜₯πŸ˜₯ I wanted him to know his roots, interact with and love this as much as I had. I literally cried many days thinking of the nonexistent bond between my unborn son and his great and grandmother. It tore me up.

Then one day I realized, he would indeed bond with those ladies because I am them and they are me. My tender way of dealing with his emotions and needs is Deborah. My firm hand and soft heart is Shirley. The integrity I will reach him and resolve come from them. My laugh roars as loud and hearty as his great grandmother. My curious mind is as open as his grandma.πŸ’–πŸ’–

In me, he has them. I plan to do my best to show him that. And I am excited share his heritage with him. ☺️☺️ My heart is expectant and encouraged.

Until the next time…

Posted in #NotetoSelf

New Mommy….Week 27

It’s almost been 7 months since I became a mom.😊 Of course, my life has changed dramatically. My son means the world to me.

Now that he’s getting older, I’m enjoying motherhood much more than I had previously.😳 Those first 3 months almost πŸ‘πŸΌtook πŸ‘πŸΌme πŸ‘πŸΌout!! Adjusting to it all was so hard! I actually had mild postpartum depression (although it felt like the end of the world, mild where?!?). Plus I had a winter baby. Being stuck in the house while feeling as though you’re losing your mind?!?! Terrible!!😒 I loved my son with everything in me but the PPD overshadowed that daily. *side note* if your are dealing with any ill feelings, dark thoughts are just feeling off…contact your OB ASAP!! There’s nothing to be ashamed of. We go through SO much carrying and delivering our babies. Something’s bound to be different once they arrive and it’s OKAY!!πŸ˜‰

My favorite part of the day with AJ (currently) is the morning. He wakes up with SO many smiles! He looks so excited to see us! Then he gives morning kisses!❀️❀️ I melt, every single day. I love watching his curiosity blossom. He’s so encouraging to my heart. He has no clue he’s teaching his mom to dream again. He’s blessing me, literally. He’s also my new shopping buddy (as pictured above)!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

I’m pretty sure he’s going to skip crawling and go straight to walking, lol! He doesn’t scoot or get on all fours, he pulls up on anything around him and stands! 🀣 He’s also enjoys feeding himself these days. It’s pretty neat to watch!

I have so much I could say but I’ll wait! I plan to chronicle the first year! We have 25 weeks left! I’ll also get the first 6 months posted here so you can follow along! It might be out of order since I did Facebook first but you’ll get it! Lol!

Until the next time…..

#NotetoSelf #NotetoUs #NewMommyChronicles #AustinJosiah

Posted in #NotetoSelf, #NotetoUs, Healing, Love and Marriage, Uncategorized, Who am I??

It Happened…..

Prior to marriage I firmly believed I’d be the woman who’d balance her career, hobbies, ministries, relationships, businesses, marriage and self love. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™€οΈ

There was absolutely no doubt in my mind I’d find the formula and execute well. Even when I gained 70 pounds (like literally a 10 year old attached themselves to my body) BEFORE marriage, I already had a plan to get the weight off and keep my pre-marital sexy going. πŸ™„ I had all the plans, encouraging sayings, and great intentions, then….

IT HAPPENED!!!

One day, I had no idea what I liked. I couldn’t figure out what I should wear. I wasn’t sure how I felt about my makeup. I couldn’t think of things to do without my husband. I hadn’t visited family or friends (without my husband) or gone shopping for myself. I had become everything I dreaded! I WAS ALL ABOUT MY HUSBAND and nothing else!πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™€οΈ How could this happen to me? Where had Alishia gone? Who snatched my body? And most importantly, WHY????πŸ€”

I had this all figured out. I would not become the wife who had no life outside her husband or forgot what my life was like prior to marriage! I could not believe this! Then it dawned on me, I’d stop being intentional about ME! Mostly, women are predisposed to caring for everyone BUT themselves. We’ve also been societally exposed to the myth that becoming someone’s wife is the ultimate goal. 😏 Some where, someone dropped the ball with this! Lol! Somehow self care became taboo and selfish (which essentially describes self-care but I’ll stay focused for now 😜). How could anyone lead us to believe we are only considerate of ourselves when we decide to take a break from wife and mom duties, work, chores and thinking of everyone else?? How?

I drove myself nuts trying to come up with a reason for this but you know what? I’m DONE seeking it out! 🀫 My energy can be spent PRACTICING self care instead of trying to figure out how or why it’s wrong to some people, lol! I have a right to “turn off”. Even God restedπŸ™ŒπŸΌ! The almighty, all powerful God of the entire universe took a moment to sit back and enjoy the work of his hands! He admired what he created. He SAT DOWN! If he did, WHY WON’T WE?!?

After 19 months of marriage and bonus child (that’s what I call my stepson now, lol) rearing, I’ve realized I’ve placed this pressure to be everything πŸ‘πŸΌon πŸ‘πŸΌmy πŸ‘πŸΌself! And it’s senseless. I deserve a day off or new jeans that make my buns look amazing, lol! In fact, I SHOULD model God and RELAX sometimes. My husband does not even expect all these absurd things from me nor does my stepson. I told myslef to go above and beyond for no good reason, lol!

It’s okay to desire being a good wife, mom, friend, and loved one. Really, it is. The problem arises when we aspire to be super-wife/mom/friend/employee/boss/entrepeneur/etc…. There really is a season for everything, including REST. We tend to think of seasons as summer, fall, winter and spring, which is true in that aspect. However, seasons can switch more frequently than that. Especially when it comes to self care. And that is ok! Take some time to yourself. Even if it’s on the ride home. Don’t take the call! Decompress! Just say no! Lol! Then your…it happened moment will be you taking care of yourself for a change, lol!

You can be anything you want, just not everything at the same time. And that’s perfectly ok!

Until the next time…..

#notetoself #notetous #selfcare #superwomanisamyth

Posted in #NotetoSelf, #NotetoUs

I’m Not Mad…..

While getting dressed this morning, I found myself in deep thought over an old situation. I mulled over the things I could have said to the people who could have asked but didn’t. I thought about ways to vindicate myself and prove I wasn’t insignificant at that time. Then I felt so many emotions, they rushed in and basically took over. Of course I couldn’t allow myself to cry, that wouldn’t make any sense asΒ I’m not mad and I’m past that…..So I thought.

I ran to my laptop to pen my thoughts because I didn’t want to forget the illumination I received during my morning routine, lol! The truth isΒ I’m not mad at them but I’m still mad at me!Β That realization almost made me cry. Forgiveness is a touchy subject. There are as many opinions about the matter as there are people. I dare not venture down that path, I’d be writing for days, lol! I will say…most of us are carrying grudges. And some of those grudges are against ourselves. We are dissatisfied with our responses. We are upset we allowed mistreatment. We are grieving the fact that we did not stand up for ourselves. We have hard feelings, with ourselves.

Well, today I have a decision to make. Forgive myself and move on….or continue antagonizing myself over the past. Seems like an easy decision, right? Sometimes it isn’t that simple. Especially when you have no idea you are in fact mad and with yourself. As I walk through this process I hope I can encourage you to do the same. If you are thinking, dreaming or still feeling anything about a past event chances are you are mad…and maybe at yourself. Let it go. Today. Now.

Sincerely,

Tired of Beating Myself Up

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