While getting dressed this morning, I found myself in deep thought over an old situation. I mulled over the things I could have said to the people who could have asked but didn’t. I thought about ways to vindicate myself and prove I wasn’t insignificant at that time. Then I felt so many emotions, they rushed in and basically took over. Of course I couldn’t allow myself to cry, that wouldn’t make any sense as I’m not mad and I’m past that…..So I thought.
I ran to my laptop to pen my thoughts because I didn’t want to forget the illumination I received during my morning routine, lol! The truth is I’m not mad at them but I’m still mad at me! That realization almost made me cry. Forgiveness is a touchy subject. There are as many opinions about the matter as there are people. I dare not venture down that path, I’d be writing for days, lol! I will say…most of us are carrying grudges. And some of those grudges are against ourselves. We are dissatisfied with our responses. We are upset we allowed mistreatment. We are grieving the fact that we did not stand up for ourselves. We have hard feelings, with ourselves.
Well, today I have a decision to make. Forgive myself and move on….or continue antagonizing myself over the past. Seems like an easy decision, right? Sometimes it isn’t that simple. Especially when you have no idea you are in fact mad and with yourself. As I walk through this process I hope I can encourage you to do the same. If you are thinking, dreaming or still feeling anything about a past event chances are you are mad…and maybe at yourself. Let it go. Today. Now.
Tired of Beating Myself Up