Posted in #NotetoSelf, #NotetoUs, Healthy Mom, Infant Mom, Motherhood, New Mommy, SAHM, Stay at home mom

New Mommy…Week 40

You guys….I have a crawling/walking with assistance/stair climbing/broccoli eating man infant.🀣🀣🀣

My son is in a semi independent phase and it has me thinking…what do I do next?πŸ‘€ I left work to stay with him (one of my reasons) and now that he’s not as needy (I realize he still totally needs me just not the same as his newborn phases) I wonder what to do with myself.πŸ€” I’m honestly in a strange “figure out who Alishia is” phase.

Like most moms, I jumped head first into this mommy thing. My life instantaneously revolves around my baby boy. Essentially, my works as I’d previously know it, stopped.😱 I completely removed myself from my mind and became laser focused on AJ. I was almost consumed by him. I’m not sure that mindset is sustainable.

I now find myself looking forward to time away from my son. Initially I felt guilt for this. Then I realized, it’s ok. Having these feelings are normal. It’s actually more abnormal to lose myself in him. We do this but it isn’t the healthiest thing. At least in my opinion. 😁

It’s absolutely ok to desire something outside of child rearing. It’s a lot. Being a wife and mom, suddenly full time is a lot. But I’m learning and growing everyday. I’m rediscovering myself and am excited about the journey. I’ll be sure to update you guys….😊

Until the next time.

Posted in #NotetoSelf, #NotetoUs, Infant Mom, Motherhood, New Mommy, SAHM

New Mommy….Week 36

Look at my big boy!πŸ₯°πŸ₯° He’s so cute…and busy!!😳😳

I altogether skipped week 35…his busyness played a huge role in that!πŸ€£πŸ˜‚ My almost 9 month old is doing SO much! I honestly can’t keep up! He’s standing, crawlking (yes, you read it correctly! He’s doing a crawl-walk combo thing! It was easier to say “crawlking” lol)! So I pretty much spend my entire day saving his little world. Lol! He’s absolutely fearless! I wish I had that trait!

Along with these developmental milestones come other not so pleasant changes. Like sleep regression.😱😱 He’s suddenly up a million times a night like he was as a newborn. Tragic. Fortunately I’m a stay at home mom but it’s still tiresome! I know it’s a temporary change but it’s so hard! Lol! This blogpost is actually going to be much shorter because I’m so tired from his sleep pattern changes.πŸ€£πŸ˜‚

No matter what, AJ is STILL a blessing and one of the best things to ever happen to me! ☺️

I appreciate you guys following my journey so far! Until the next time…

Posted in #NotetoSelf, #NotetoUs, Infant Mom, Motherhood, New Mommy, SAHM, Stay at home mom

New Mommy….Week 34

My little guy traveled with dad and I to Florida last week as we celebrated our 3rd anniversary.☺️ He’s SO much more active than he was in Myrtle Beach back in June. O. M. G! He wore momma out!🀣🀣

AJ will be 8 months in 2 days. I’m so excited and slightly hit with baby fever.😳 I miss his new baby smell and laying on my chest. These days I’m more like a human jungle gym.😩 He’s such a strong and active baby. I’m blessed to have such a healthy little guy but honey…sometimes these blessings are weighty!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ The responsibility becomes much some days!

As you can imagine he’s into every single thing he can find! His little mind is expanding. He’s busy exploring and it’s taking a toll on me!😩 I love my little guy so much though.πŸ₯° I’m waiting for him to start leaving me for daddy (he’s the fun one lol)! And I know AJ’s exploration will not tolerate mommy’s fear and hesitation! He’s definitely going to choose dad!

I’m slowly learning to be okay with it! Lol!! I’ve finally come to understand my limits and my son will be fine without me for a bit. It’s harder to stick to that conviction lately as AJ’s experiencing sleep regression. So he’s much more clingy…but I know it’s temporary. I’m actually beginning to look forward to him spending time with others. I’m equally terrified but excited nonetheless!🀣🀣

I’m still so grateful to be his mom. We are learning and growing daily! I’m also thrilled to have such a supportive and loving husband. Neither of them look excited in this picture but, they are. I love my serious guys!🀣❀️

Until the next time….

Posted in #NotetoSelf, #NotetoUs, Healthy Mom, Infant Mom, Motherhood, New Mommy, SAHM, Stay at home mom

New Mommy…Week 33

In 10 days I’ll be the mother of an 8 month old infant boy.☺️ Yesterday, I spent my first night away from him.πŸ˜₯ Boy was it tough!

So….I celebrated a really good friend’s (like one of my best friends ever) birthday. She wanted to have a sleepover.πŸ™ƒ I just knew my baby would be invited.🀣🀣 She knows how I feel about him. She also loves him just the same. But, to my surprise she stuck to her “no kids allowed” invite.

I. Was. Devastated!!😫

What was my breastfed infant going to do all night without his mommy? And boobies??πŸ€” My mind was racing and I was a little more than withdrawn from our group of friends. All I could think about was my son waking in the middle of the night to eat and comfort nurse and I wouldn’t be there!!😩😩

Turns out…he and my husband were just fine! Lol!! They had a great night. Meanwhile I had to force myself to get into the festivities. And I’m so glad I did. It was one of the best nights I’ve had in quite sometime.☺️

I learned my husband is a capable father. My baby can survive without me….and I without him.πŸ’ͺ🏼πŸ’ͺ🏼 You’d think I knew that. And I did. In my head. It’s a totally different experience to understand something in your heart.😌 I had to trust my friend knew what I needed. I had to trust my husband knew what our son needed. I had to trust myself.😳😳 It was SO hard at first but I’m really happy I did it.

I can’t say at all this will become my new norm. However, I’ll try my best moving forward to trust my support system and allow myself a moment. I’ll still be an amazing mom just a little more sane.🀣🀣

I hope you offer yourself the same grace and minute as a mom. We need it. More than we know.πŸ’–πŸ’–

Until the next time….

Posted in #NotetoSelf, #NotetoUs, Healthy Mom, Infant Mom, Motherhood, New Mommy, SAHM, Stay at home mom

New Mommy….Week 32

My son is already practicing driving!🀣🀣 At 7 1/2 months this has to be some record! Call Guiness World Book!! Lol!!

Seriously, isn’t this the cutest thing???☺️ AJ continuously grows by leaps and bounds! My poor little heart can’t take it. To think this time last year I was 4 months pregnant and now I have a nearly 8 month old baby is astounding!

I honestly can not count the ways motherhood’s changed my life. Literally nothing’s the same.😳 One year ago I was planning maternity leave (wanted to be well prepared); who would’ve guessed I’d be a stay at home mom?!?! It’s amazing how babies alter your life. You learn your best and worst attributes as a mother. Almost like marriage except the other person is the cutest little, helpless thing!πŸ₯°πŸ₯°

I spent so much time trying to convince myself I’d be nothing like my bio mom or grandma (she raised me) but here I am…sensitive as Deborah Ann and stern as Shirley Jean! God rest both their beautiful souls!πŸ’™πŸ’™ The hardest part about becoming a mom for me was wishing I still had my mother to experience this with and learning that I’d lose my grandmother shortly after AJ’s arrival.😫😫

I went through SO many “what if” scenarios! I grieved my son would not know the women who created and reared his mother.πŸ˜₯πŸ˜₯ I wanted him to know his roots, interact with and love this as much as I had. I literally cried many days thinking of the nonexistent bond between my unborn son and his great and grandmother. It tore me up.

Then one day I realized, he would indeed bond with those ladies because I am them and they are me. My tender way of dealing with his emotions and needs is Deborah. My firm hand and soft heart is Shirley. The integrity I will reach him and resolve come from them. My laugh roars as loud and hearty as his great grandmother. My curious mind is as open as his grandma.πŸ’–πŸ’–

In me, he has them. I plan to do my best to show him that. And I am excited share his heritage with him. ☺️☺️ My heart is expectant and encouraged.

Until the next time…

Posted in #NotetoSelf, #NotetoUs, Healing, Healthy Mom, Infant Mom, Motherhood, New Mommy, SAHM, Stay at home mom

New Mommy…Week 31

My big boy!!😊 With every passing day I feel more excitement and anguish, simultaneously! My son is growing, evolving, blossoming and changing; as he should. However, I can’t help but feel proud and nervous. 😬 I’m so happy AJ’s progressing as he should, even advancing in some areas. I’m also equally in angst!😩 The totally helpless newborn child I brought home 7 months ago is now becoming increasingly independent. Of course he still needs me, it’s just interesting to watch him pull away.

Who knew I’d feel so much conflict in my heart over these things? I remember the first night we spent in our home. All I could do was cry and wonder why I even left the hospital! (I left a day early)!🀣🀣🀣 I didn’t know what to do with my son other than breastfeed and change him. It was awesomely gruesome and amazing.

Speaking of breastfeeding, I’m currently at pro status.πŸ˜†πŸ˜† It’s almost become second nature. I could not imagine ever reaching this point. I’m so grateful and would actually love to assist new moms in the process, it’s SO fulfilling! Women are incredibly resilient! Our bodies are meticulous machines, sort of, lol!! I’m so proud of us all! And in complete awe!!❀️❀️ We. Rock!!

My son is still an absolute blessing! Even during frustrating moments! His growing independence can be a pain point for us both! I can no longer sit him in a corner and let him be! He wants to get into everything! I wish I could let him sometimes! Lol! It breaks my heart I can’t let him be free! But my heart smiles at the idea of his development! I’m SO torn!πŸ˜©πŸ˜©πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ™ƒπŸ™ƒ

In conclusion…my life has changed for the best, in every sense….even when I don’t see or feel it…I know it’s true! Austin Josiah has made us all better!πŸ’™πŸ’™

Until the next time…

Posted in #NotetoSelf, #NotetoUs, Healing, Healthy Mom, Infant Mom, Motherhood, New Mommy, SAHM, Stay at home mom

New Mommy…Week 30

Tomorrow, I’ll have a 7 month old little boy.😊He’s somewhere between size 4 and 5 diapers and size 9 and 12 month clothes. Oh, he can’t wear most shoes because his feet are SO chunky πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Currently, he seems to go to bed one size and wake up another.😳

Since I’ve become a SAHM (you all know what that is by now, lol) his growth spurts scare me. Everything breaks down to a dollar amount. I’m almost tempted to throw a “my baby’s growing too fast” shower!πŸ™ƒ It’s 2019, we’re done with tradition right?!?! I should just be a trendsetter! Lol!! Maybe I’ll work up the nerve to actually do it. Who knows?!?!

Aside from his physical growth, my AJ’s personality is blossoming. His sense of humor tickles me. He has his dad’s laugh and my goofy behavior when he gets sleepy.🀣🀣 Every. Single. Thing is funny to me when I’m tired, he’s the same way.😊 He has his dad’s patience and my frustration when I can’t figure something out. He has my precocious ways and his dad’s curiosity. He seriously the perfect combination of us, even his looks.πŸ’™πŸ’™

Having a baby at 35 has been the epitome of life changing. I don’t believe I would’ve left my job if I didn’t become a mom. I’m learning SO much about myself as a person in general. I see my strengths: an amazing caretaker, loving mother, detail oriented, determined and wise. However I also see the areas I could use development: patience, control (I try so hard to control everything, it’s awful), trust in God and others to take care of my son and negative thinking. That one, terrible!! πŸ˜“ It’s so exhausting. I think the worst, every time. I’m sure I need to talk to someone about this. It can’t be healthy.😣

All in all, becoming a parent has made me brave and intentional about being whole. Emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally. I want to be my best self. I don’t ever want my son sitting in therapy because of Mommy wounds.😳 I know what that’s like. And I’m determined to give him the best foundation possible. I know I’m human. I know I’ll make mistakes. I also know, he doesn’t have to suffer at my hands. It starts with me becoming well. Stay tuned….

#NotetoSelf #NotetoUs