In 10 days I’ll be the mother of an 8 month old infant boy.☺️ Yesterday, I spent my first night away from him.😥 Boy was it tough!
So….I celebrated a really good friend’s (like one of my best friends ever) birthday. She wanted to have a sleepover.🙃 I just knew my baby would be invited.🤣🤣 She knows how I feel about him. She also loves him just the same. But, to my surprise she stuck to her “no kids allowed” invite.
I. Was. Devastated!!😫
What was my breastfed infant going to do all night without his mommy? And boobies??🤔 My mind was racing and I was a little more than withdrawn from our group of friends. All I could think about was my son waking in the middle of the night to eat and comfort nurse and I wouldn’t be there!!😩😩
Turns out…he and my husband were just fine! Lol!! They had a great night. Meanwhile I had to force myself to get into the festivities. And I’m so glad I did. It was one of the best nights I’ve had in quite sometime.☺️
I learned my husband is a capable father. My baby can survive without me….and I without him.💪🏼💪🏼 You’d think I knew that. And I did. In my head. It’s a totally different experience to understand something in your heart.😌 I had to trust my friend knew what I needed. I had to trust my husband knew what our son needed. I had to trust myself.😳😳 It was SO hard at first but I’m really happy I did it.
I can’t say at all this will become my new norm. However, I’ll try my best moving forward to trust my support system and allow myself a moment. I’ll still be an amazing mom just a little more sane.🤣🤣
I hope you offer yourself the same grace and minute as a mom. We need it. More than we know.💖💖
Until the next time….
My son is already practicing driving!🤣🤣 At 7 1/2 months this has to be some record! Call Guiness World Book!! Lol!!
Seriously, isn’t this the cutest thing???☺️ AJ continuously grows by leaps and bounds! My poor little heart can’t take it. To think this time last year I was 4 months pregnant and now I have a nearly 8 month old baby is astounding!
I honestly can not count the ways motherhood’s changed my life. Literally nothing’s the same.😳 One year ago I was planning maternity leave (wanted to be well prepared); who would’ve guessed I’d be a stay at home mom?!?! It’s amazing how babies alter your life. You learn your best and worst attributes as a mother. Almost like marriage except the other person is the cutest little, helpless thing!🥰🥰
I spent so much time trying to convince myself I’d be nothing like my bio mom or grandma (she raised me) but here I am…sensitive as Deborah Ann and stern as Shirley Jean! God rest both their beautiful souls!💙💙 The hardest part about becoming a mom for me was wishing I still had my mother to experience this with and learning that I’d lose my grandmother shortly after AJ’s arrival.😫😫
I went through SO many “what if” scenarios! I grieved my son would not know the women who created and reared his mother.😥😥 I wanted him to know his roots, interact with and love this as much as I had. I literally cried many days thinking of the nonexistent bond between my unborn son and his great and grandmother. It tore me up.
Then one day I realized, he would indeed bond with those ladies because I am them and they are me. My tender way of dealing with his emotions and needs is Deborah. My firm hand and soft heart is Shirley. The integrity I will reach him and resolve come from them. My laugh roars as loud and hearty as his great grandmother. My curious mind is as open as his grandma.💖💖
In me, he has them. I plan to do my best to show him that. And I am excited share his heritage with him. ☺️☺️ My heart is expectant and encouraged.
Until the next time…
Tomorrow, I’ll have a 7 month old little boy.😊He’s somewhere between size 4 and 5 diapers and size 9 and 12 month clothes. Oh, he can’t wear most shoes because his feet are SO chunky 😂😂 Currently, he seems to go to bed one size and wake up another.😳
Since I’ve become a SAHM (you all know what that is by now, lol) his growth spurts scare me. Everything breaks down to a dollar amount. I’m almost tempted to throw a “my baby’s growing too fast” shower!🙃 It’s 2019, we’re done with tradition right?!?! I should just be a trendsetter! Lol!! Maybe I’ll work up the nerve to actually do it. Who knows?!?!
Aside from his physical growth, my AJ’s personality is blossoming. His sense of humor tickles me. He has his dad’s laugh and my goofy behavior when he gets sleepy.🤣🤣 Every. Single. Thing is funny to me when I’m tired, he’s the same way.😊 He has his dad’s patience and my frustration when I can’t figure something out. He has my precocious ways and his dad’s curiosity. He seriously the perfect combination of us, even his looks.💙💙
Having a baby at 35 has been the epitome of life changing. I don’t believe I would’ve left my job if I didn’t become a mom. I’m learning SO much about myself as a person in general. I see my strengths: an amazing caretaker, loving mother, detail oriented, determined and wise. However I also see the areas I could use development: patience, control (I try so hard to control everything, it’s awful), trust in God and others to take care of my son and negative thinking. That one, terrible!! 😓 It’s so exhausting. I think the worst, every time. I’m sure I need to talk to someone about this. It can’t be healthy.😣
All in all, becoming a parent has made me brave and intentional about being whole. Emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally. I want to be my best self. I don’t ever want my son sitting in therapy because of Mommy wounds.😳 I know what that’s like. And I’m determined to give him the best foundation possible. I know I’m human. I know I’ll make mistakes. I also know, he doesn’t have to suffer at my hands. It starts with me becoming well. Stay tuned….
I get to wake up to this precious boy every morning.AJ is such. a. blessing. I am so honored to call him son. Being his mother is a privilege.❤️ He has no idea how many people prayed for his conception, gestation and delivery. His life has changed ours, greatly.💙
If you don’t know, I quit my job 2 months ago for a few reasons but he played a major role. As a 35 year old, first time mom I have zero interest in sending my son to daycare to work in a thankless job and poor environment.🤷🏻♀️ I’d been feeling like leaving for 3 years, just couldn’t rationalize walking away from a “good” job. Until my son gave me the courage to make a decision and go after my dreams.😊
Between my love for him, my desire to be whole and my husband’s encouragement; I left a Human Resources job. One in which I did well. But I knew I wanted more. Now I am a stay at home mom, wife and budding entrepreneur.😉 This is the scariest most fulfilling thing I’ve ever felt. It’s a dichotomy for sure. But I’m determined to do it.
I look forward to the day I tell my beautiful son how much his existence inspired Mommy. I want him to be proud of me, for sure. What I desire most is my life be an example of chasing your dreams, betting on yourself and trusting God. I want him to know he can do it.😍
I also want to show myself I can do it! I’m trailblazing in my family. It’s rough, scary, confusing and such. But baby when I tell you I’m more free than I’ve ever been….you’ll just have to follow along to watch it all unfold.😌
Until the next time…..