New Mommy….Week 34

My little guy traveled with dad and I to Florida last week as we celebrated our 3rd anniversary.☺️ He’s SO much more active than he was in Myrtle Beach back in June. O. M. G! He wore momma out!🤣🤣

AJ will be 8 months in 2 days. I’m so excited and slightly hit with baby fever.😳 I miss his new baby smell and laying on my chest. These days I’m more like a human jungle gym.😩 He’s such a strong and active baby. I’m blessed to have such a healthy little guy but honey…sometimes these blessings are weighty!😂😂 The responsibility becomes much some days!

As you can imagine he’s into every single thing he can find! His little mind is expanding. He’s busy exploring and it’s taking a toll on me!😩 I love my little guy so much though.🥰 I’m waiting for him to start leaving me for daddy (he’s the fun one lol)! And I know AJ’s exploration will not tolerate mommy’s fear and hesitation! He’s definitely going to choose dad!

I’m slowly learning to be okay with it! Lol!! I’ve finally come to understand my limits and my son will be fine without me for a bit. It’s harder to stick to that conviction lately as AJ’s experiencing sleep regression. So he’s much more clingy…but I know it’s temporary. I’m actually beginning to look forward to him spending time with others. I’m equally terrified but excited nonetheless!🤣🤣

I’m still so grateful to be his mom. We are learning and growing daily! I’m also thrilled to have such a supportive and loving husband. Neither of them look excited in this picture but, they are. I love my serious guys!🤣❤️

Until the next time….

New Mommy…Week 33

In 10 days I’ll be the mother of an 8 month old infant boy.☺️ Yesterday, I spent my first night away from him.😥 Boy was it tough!

So….I celebrated a really good friend’s (like one of my best friends ever) birthday. She wanted to have a sleepover.🙃 I just knew my baby would be invited.🤣🤣 She knows how I feel about him. She also loves him just the same. But, to my surprise she stuck to her “no kids allowed” invite.

I. Was. Devastated!!😫

What was my breastfed infant going to do all night without his mommy? And boobies??🤔 My mind was racing and I was a little more than withdrawn from our group of friends. All I could think about was my son waking in the middle of the night to eat and comfort nurse and I wouldn’t be there!!😩😩

Turns out…he and my husband were just fine! Lol!! They had a great night. Meanwhile I had to force myself to get into the festivities. And I’m so glad I did. It was one of the best nights I’ve had in quite sometime.☺️

I learned my husband is a capable father. My baby can survive without me….and I without him.💪🏼💪🏼 You’d think I knew that. And I did. In my head. It’s a totally different experience to understand something in your heart.😌 I had to trust my friend knew what I needed. I had to trust my husband knew what our son needed. I had to trust myself.😳😳 It was SO hard at first but I’m really happy I did it.

I can’t say at all this will become my new norm. However, I’ll try my best moving forward to trust my support system and allow myself a moment. I’ll still be an amazing mom just a little more sane.🤣🤣

I hope you offer yourself the same grace and minute as a mom. We need it. More than we know.💖💖

Until the next time….

New Mommy….Week 32

My son is already practicing driving!🤣🤣 At 7 1/2 months this has to be some record! Call Guiness World Book!! Lol!!

Seriously, isn’t this the cutest thing???☺️ AJ continuously grows by leaps and bounds! My poor little heart can’t take it. To think this time last year I was 4 months pregnant and now I have a nearly 8 month old baby is astounding!

I honestly can not count the ways motherhood’s changed my life. Literally nothing’s the same.😳 One year ago I was planning maternity leave (wanted to be well prepared); who would’ve guessed I’d be a stay at home mom?!?! It’s amazing how babies alter your life. You learn your best and worst attributes as a mother. Almost like marriage except the other person is the cutest little, helpless thing!🥰🥰

I spent so much time trying to convince myself I’d be nothing like my bio mom or grandma (she raised me) but here I am…sensitive as Deborah Ann and stern as Shirley Jean! God rest both their beautiful souls!💙💙 The hardest part about becoming a mom for me was wishing I still had my mother to experience this with and learning that I’d lose my grandmother shortly after AJ’s arrival.😫😫

I went through SO many “what if” scenarios! I grieved my son would not know the women who created and reared his mother.😥😥 I wanted him to know his roots, interact with and love this as much as I had. I literally cried many days thinking of the nonexistent bond between my unborn son and his great and grandmother. It tore me up.

Then one day I realized, he would indeed bond with those ladies because I am them and they are me. My tender way of dealing with his emotions and needs is Deborah. My firm hand and soft heart is Shirley. The integrity I will reach him and resolve come from them. My laugh roars as loud and hearty as his great grandmother. My curious mind is as open as his grandma.💖💖

In me, he has them. I plan to do my best to show him that. And I am excited share his heritage with him. ☺️☺️ My heart is expectant and encouraged.

Until the next time…

New Mommy…Week 31

My big boy!!😊 With every passing day I feel more excitement and anguish, simultaneously! My son is growing, evolving, blossoming and changing; as he should. However, I can’t help but feel proud and nervous. 😬 I’m so happy AJ’s progressing as he should, even advancing in some areas. I’m also equally in angst!😩 The totally helpless newborn child I brought home 7 months ago is now becoming increasingly independent. Of course he still needs me, it’s just interesting to watch him pull away.

Who knew I’d feel so much conflict in my heart over these things? I remember the first night we spent in our home. All I could do was cry and wonder why I even left the hospital! (I left a day early)!🤣🤣🤣 I didn’t know what to do with my son other than breastfeed and change him. It was awesomely gruesome and amazing.

Speaking of breastfeeding, I’m currently at pro status.😆😆 It’s almost become second nature. I could not imagine ever reaching this point. I’m so grateful and would actually love to assist new moms in the process, it’s SO fulfilling! Women are incredibly resilient! Our bodies are meticulous machines, sort of, lol!! I’m so proud of us all! And in complete awe!!❤️❤️ We. Rock!!

My son is still an absolute blessing! Even during frustrating moments! His growing independence can be a pain point for us both! I can no longer sit him in a corner and let him be! He wants to get into everything! I wish I could let him sometimes! Lol! It breaks my heart I can’t let him be free! But my heart smiles at the idea of his development! I’m SO torn!😩😩🤣🤣🙃🙃

In conclusion…my life has changed for the best, in every sense….even when I don’t see or feel it…I know it’s true! Austin Josiah has made us all better!💙💙

Until the next time…

New Mommy…Week 30

Tomorrow, I’ll have a 7 month old little boy.😊He’s somewhere between size 4 and 5 diapers and size 9 and 12 month clothes. Oh, he can’t wear most shoes because his feet are SO chunky 😂😂 Currently, he seems to go to bed one size and wake up another.😳

Since I’ve become a SAHM (you all know what that is by now, lol) his growth spurts scare me. Everything breaks down to a dollar amount. I’m almost tempted to throw a “my baby’s growing too fast” shower!🙃 It’s 2019, we’re done with tradition right?!?! I should just be a trendsetter! Lol!! Maybe I’ll work up the nerve to actually do it. Who knows?!?!

Aside from his physical growth, my AJ’s personality is blossoming. His sense of humor tickles me. He has his dad’s laugh and my goofy behavior when he gets sleepy.🤣🤣 Every. Single. Thing is funny to me when I’m tired, he’s the same way.😊 He has his dad’s patience and my frustration when I can’t figure something out. He has my precocious ways and his dad’s curiosity. He seriously the perfect combination of us, even his looks.💙💙

Having a baby at 35 has been the epitome of life changing. I don’t believe I would’ve left my job if I didn’t become a mom. I’m learning SO much about myself as a person in general. I see my strengths: an amazing caretaker, loving mother, detail oriented, determined and wise. However I also see the areas I could use development: patience, control (I try so hard to control everything, it’s awful), trust in God and others to take care of my son and negative thinking. That one, terrible!! 😓 It’s so exhausting. I think the worst, every time. I’m sure I need to talk to someone about this. It can’t be healthy.😣

All in all, becoming a parent has made me brave and intentional about being whole. Emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally. I want to be my best self. I don’t ever want my son sitting in therapy because of Mommy wounds.😳 I know what that’s like. And I’m determined to give him the best foundation possible. I know I’m human. I know I’ll make mistakes. I also know, he doesn’t have to suffer at my hands. It starts with me becoming well. Stay tuned….

#NotetoSelf #NotetoUs

New Mommy…Week 29

I get to wake up to this precious boy every morning.AJ is such. a. blessing. I am so honored to call him son. Being his mother is a privilege.❤️ He has no idea how many people prayed for his conception, gestation and delivery. His life has changed ours, greatly.💙

If you don’t know, I quit my job 2 months ago for a few reasons but he played a major role. As a 35 year old, first time mom I have zero interest in sending my son to daycare to work in a thankless job and poor environment.🤷🏻‍♀️ I’d been feeling like leaving for 3 years, just couldn’t rationalize walking away from a “good” job. Until my son gave me the courage to make a decision and go after my dreams.😊

Between my love for him, my desire to be whole and my husband’s encouragement; I left a Human Resources job. One in which I did well. But I knew I wanted more. Now I am a stay at home mom, wife and budding entrepreneur.😉 This is the scariest most fulfilling thing I’ve ever felt. It’s a dichotomy for sure. But I’m determined to do it.

I look forward to the day I tell my beautiful son how much his existence inspired Mommy. I want him to be proud of me, for sure. What I desire most is my life be an example of chasing your dreams, betting on yourself and trusting God. I want him to know he can do it.😍

I also want to show myself I can do it! I’m trailblazing in my family. It’s rough, scary, confusing and such. But baby when I tell you I’m more free than I’ve ever been….you’ll just have to follow along to watch it all unfold.😌

Until the next time…..

New Mommy….Week 28

Who knew a onesie could make you cry?!?!

I finally cleaned out AJ’s closer. He’ll be 7 months in 2 weeks….so I had to get rid of all his newborn-3 month clothes.🙃 Then I picked up this onesie. I cried. I can’t believe my baby was that small at one point. Although he wasn’t a “small” baby. I had him at 38 weeks, he was 8 pounds, 13 ounces. 😳 I got so emotional thinking about his short time here.

And it’s worst because he had his first fall off my bed this week. Just thinking about his milestones have me in my feelings.😢 Last night he crawled backwards. He’s staring to form his mouth to say the dreaded “Da Da”.🤣🤣 He’s drinking from a cup. He’s holding food in his hand. My baby is no longer my helpless newborn.😊

I miss those days. Although I suffered postpartum depression; I miss the early days. They were hard but rewarding. We made it!❤️

Now, 🗣I’m still breastfeeding! It’s no longer hard or awkward; other than his sudden infatuation with pinching my nips.😳😂😂 I’m so proud of us. I didn’t have a lot of breastfeeding knowledge. I wanted to quit early on. But I’m so glad I didn’t! Even now, some people are encouraging me to get him off the boob; I curve all those comments. My baby will self wean. I’ll put no demands on him. Not with this.😌

I’ve also been a SAHM (stay at home mom) for 7 weeks now. It’s still scary and I still love it. Shortly, once I focus and pull things in: I’ll be a mompreneur. So excited!😍 You’ll year more soon!

Until the next time….

#NotetoSelf #NotetoUs #NewMommyChronicles

New Mommy….Week 27

It’s almost been 7 months since I became a mom.😊 Of course, my life has changed dramatically. My son means the world to me.

Now that he’s getting older, I’m enjoying motherhood much more than I had previously.😳 Those first 3 months almost 👏🏼took 👏🏼me 👏🏼out!! Adjusting to it all was so hard! I actually had mild postpartum depression (although it felt like the end of the world, mild where?!?). Plus I had a winter baby. Being stuck in the house while feeling as though you’re losing your mind?!?! Terrible!!😢 I loved my son with everything in me but the PPD overshadowed that daily. *side note* if your are dealing with any ill feelings, dark thoughts are just feeling off…contact your OB ASAP!! There’s nothing to be ashamed of. We go through SO much carrying and delivering our babies. Something’s bound to be different once they arrive and it’s OKAY!!😉

My favorite part of the day with AJ (currently) is the morning. He wakes up with SO many smiles! He looks so excited to see us! Then he gives morning kisses!❤️❤️ I melt, every single day. I love watching his curiosity blossom. He’s so encouraging to my heart. He has no clue he’s teaching his mom to dream again. He’s blessing me, literally. He’s also my new shopping buddy (as pictured above)!😂😂

I’m pretty sure he’s going to skip crawling and go straight to walking, lol! He doesn’t scoot or get on all fours, he pulls up on anything around him and stands! 🤣 He’s also enjoys feeding himself these days. It’s pretty neat to watch!

I have so much I could say but I’ll wait! I plan to chronicle the first year! We have 25 weeks left! I’ll also get the first 6 months posted here so you can follow along! It might be out of order since I did Facebook first but you’ll get it! Lol!

Until the next time…..

#NotetoSelf #NotetoUs #NewMommyChronicles #AustinJosiah

🚨New Mommy…Week 26

My baby turned 6 months this week!!😊😊

I’m so excited and terrified at the same time! Watching him gain independence causes me to smile and be proud while simultaneously fast forwarding to the days he won’t need me as much.😢 Such oxymoronic feelings!! I’m sure moms understand!

AJ is full of life! He tries everything repeatedly, only allowing frustration to set in for seconds.😢 It’s so encouraging, oh to be a child again! I pray I never do anything to inhibit his imagination, deter his determination or discourage his effort.❤️ He reminds me everyday to keep dreaming! Keep trying! He has no idea how he motivates me.

6 months postpartum feels….better.🙃 I am certainly in a much more calm state of mind than previously. I cry much less. When I do, the tears are typically of pride and gratefulness. I never knew my heart could be so full. My journey yo motherhood was long, hard and heartbreaking. But it was all worth it.😍

Now, the hard part about 6 months postpartum?!?! My body!!😫😫😫 Initially I made amazing progress. Lately, I’ve hit a roadblock! I don’t like my body. I can’t figure out my “mom style”😳 I’m no longer comfortable wearing certain things. It’s odd. I’ll get through it, I’m sure!💙

I’m also dealing with becoming a stay at home mom. It’s truly and adjustment. Whew! I’ll talk about it more next time! Don’t wanna bore you! 😉🤣🤣

Until the next time…

#NotetoSelf #NotetoUs #NewMommyChronicles

Week One: New Mommy

AJ is one week old today!☺️ I’ve officially been a mommy for 7 days. In true fashion of myself…lemme tell y’all about it!😂

First of all…I am TIED (that’s tired for my proper readers)😂

I had him via c-section and that experience is traumatic ok? I don’t care what anyone else says. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have to care for him 24-7…..whew….take me back to my babysitting days. It was SO temporary. Lol!🤦🏻‍♀️

Don’t even get me started on breastfeeding!!!😤😤

I am the most emotionally exhausted I’ve been in my entire life. 🤦🏻‍♀️Who knew you could cry so many tears in a single 24 hour period?!?! 😱 AND, so many different tears?? One minute they are happy, then proud, then amazed, then tired, then feeling like “what have I signed up for”, then “I love my husband so much”, then “I love my son so much” then God knows what! I literally feel insane! 😫😫

My husband has been a trooper.😊 I honestly have a new found respect and wonder for single moms. How do y’all do it? How? Y’all so strong! I’ve cried in my husband’s arms so much you’d think I’m the newborn!😀 Y’all really are amazing!!

My pediatrician started our conversation reading my fertility and child loss history then preceded to state “Wow, you went through a lot to get him here. Thank God he is here”! 😭😭When I tell y’all I almost went into a baptist fit!!!💃🏻💃🏻 (ask your churchy friends what that is, lol!) He just didnt know what he said to me! LOL!

Overall, motherhood is NO punk.🙅🏻‍♀️ She’s actually a bully in my opinion! 😂😂 But I am so thrilled to have my son even when I’m overwhelmed (which is quite often at this point, lol!)

I honestly did not realize how strong women truly are until this phase of my life. We are EVERYTHING! 💪🏼💁🏻‍♀️💅🏼

Until the next time..

#NewMommyChronicles